Making Relationships Work

In a relationship, even the best couples can get stuck in a rut.

It takes two to make up a relationship.  It only takes one to make it a whole lot better.

When couples become stuck in a rut it is hard to see where positive changes might be made.  It’s even harder not to place all of the blame on the other partner.  Each partner plays their own part in keeping the relationship in a rut.  Here are a few tips to help you be the one who makes changes first.

  • Each day make at least two positive comments to your partner. Focus on specifics about what you appreciate about them.
  • Listen to understand. Do not become defensive, do not interrupt your partner.
  • Say you’re sorry for your part in the problem.  Even if you’re secretly convinced you are the least to blame.
  • When you say you will do something, do it.  Do not promise to do something that you cannot follow through on.
  • Stop pursuing. If you pursue someone who is distancing, they will distance from you even further.  Give them breathing room to come to you.
  • Use fewer words. Many partners will avoid conversation because they are overwhelmed by everything their partner is saying and how they are saying it.  Slow your speech, use fewer sentences, turn down your volume, and lower your intensity.

Pick one or two of these tips to start making a positive change in your relationship.  Your relationship and partner will thank you.


Sara Kuehler, MA

Licensed Professional Counselor

Posted in Marriage and tagged , , .